Anorexia: "Two Steps Forward, One Step Back"

Anorexia kills. Not just you. Anorexia can cause people close to you harm. Anorexia causes a fear to others that they cannot control. Anorexia is not in the hands for others in your life to deal with. Anorexia does not mean perfection. Anorexia is the biggest challenge I have ever faced. And, I’m not ever going to be done challenging it.

I started my blog, over and over. I have sat down multiple times to write new posts, I even made an instagram to reach more people. Yet I gave up again, and again. Though, the world is not perfect. And, that it is a good thing the world is not perfect. If the world were, we would have no challenges… our two steps forward and one step back would be absent. We grow from our mistakes, we learn each time we fail. We continue to stand back up, once we have fallen. We strive for this ‘perfection’, that we won’t ever attain. Why? Because that is life and that is how we are going to mature, grow and be able to deal with harder challenges that get thrown at us. We become familiar with how to handle challenges each time one occurs, so that when the next comes along, we can feel stronger to take it on.

Life is about challenging yourself, pushing yourself out of your own comfort zone. We wouldn’t have access to the technology we do today, grow our muscles in a gym, learn how to read, or even get provided with food from farmers, if it wasn’t for that one person who kept challenging themselves to find a solution or a way of doing things.

Anorexia is just like that. It is not a straight line. You aren’t (necessarily) going to wake up one day and decide that today is the day to fix everything at once, and that from now on life is going to be all sunshine and rainbows. You may though, wake up and decide that you are done with hiding from your fears, and you will choose to challenge yourself. Taking your first step forward. As you continue to recover, just as I do, you still will face that step that takes you backward. But, with each step back, recognize you are gaining something important. That being, the knowledge of WHAT you messed up, HOW you can handle it next time and to be able to understand WHY you did it.

However you choose to take that step forward is your own decision. Not a doctors, not your family members, not a trainers, not even your boyfriend or girlfriend. It is YOUR recovery, YOUR journey, and YOUR challenge. These people may be there to enforce the ‘rules of recovery’ and what you need to do. But, they can’t take the step for you. No one is going to be able to eat for you or push you harder no matter how much they try - because you will continue to fight against them if you keep stepping backward. So, stop fighting and just starting walking with your own two feet.

My blog and (more so on) my instagram @bettterblonde - and even my personal @adrianaluciani - is going to be taken up a notch from here on. I want to be a part of your journey and be there to provide support - just as how I originally was determined when I first started this whole platform. It has been a tough journey for me, and I know for you out there it has too. But, from here on, as I said, I will help to show you and guide you through life beyond anorexia. To show you how much more to life there is than a number, a body fat percent, or to no longer labelling food as ‘good’ and ‘bad’. I am here to come with you, step by step, to realize that it is going to be worth it. You are going to look back at your challenges, that seemed to never end at the time, and see the purpose they served. This is what will MOST importantly teach you how to handle the next challenge. The hardest challenges in life, end up being the most empowering and beautiful things. Who I am today, and who I will be tomorrow, and even a year from now, are all because of my ability to challenge my challenges.

As a last note, I think the hardest thing to be faced with is having someone, you don’t even know, look at you and say, ‘you could die tomorrow’. How does this make you feel? I am asking you now, to please take that one step forward. Not tomorrow, not next week, not later today. Right now. More weight for more life is a trade off I want you to take ANY day.